One Peshawar Gravedigger Weeps Over Such Small Graves

by Shreya Suresh

This story, originally published on VitaminBS1, is based on a real-life news piece about the gravedigger in Peshawar, who was unable to stop weeping, and refused to charge a fee for the graves he dug. My story is based on his situation and the barbaric world we live in.

The dead give me my livelihood.

There’s no other way to put it. I’ve been a gravedigger for more than 20 years and I’m automatically grateful to hear of a death. The lines between professionalism and sensitivity are so blurred that I don’t try to make sense of my emotions anymore. It’s hard to feel sorry when the next few hours of labor will give my family its next meal, but it’s harder still to ignore the guilt and self-loathing lurking in the corner.

But slowly, I’m beginning to accept my profession for what it is. I utter a word of gratitude to the departed soul before I dig. One day, another man’s next meal will come from my death and I won’t feel bitter when he rejoices inwardly. It’s nothing personal after all – just the circle of life.

For two decades now, I’ve dug graves of men, women and children. I don’t see them as fearless, beautiful souls who gave their loved ones a lifetime of memories. I see them as a series of numbers – length, breadth, depth, amount charged. It’s only professional, my cold behavior. If I wept for every grave I dug, I would be too dehydrated to do my job.

Where I live, you have to earn the right to a full life. My services have been needed for car “accidents,” shootings and massacres of so many kinds that I lost track of them. I suppose I felt pain in some corner of my mind when I had to dig 15 graves at a time, but the rhythmic chant of “length, breadth, depth” tuned out all musings.

The last few hours have been a confused mix and I’m glad for the confusion. The news spread like wildfire – I had to get to work immediately. As the details came to me, I fought hard to keep my calm. “Length, breadth, height. Length, breadth, height,” I chanted as I took down the numbers. I fought the sting of tears as my well trained mind told me how small these graves were. My children would fit snugly in them.

“Length, breadth, height. Length, breadth, height,” I chanted as loudly as I could, as the numbers kept growing. The wall of professionalism was breaking as I began to weep uncontrollably. I wept for the children whose bright future was reduced to a tiny hole in the ground. I wept for each grave I dug today, as they marked the end of humanity. They were so easy to dig that it was impossibly hard. There were so many of them.

As I dug, I continued to chant “length, breadth, depth,” realizing this would do nothing to mask my pain anymore.

Feature Image Source|Caption: Candlelight vigil in London for the victims of the Peshawar school siege

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Shreya Suresh is a marketing student in Boston, but her heart will always be in Bangalore, India browsing the bookshelves of Blossoms. Apart from writing and marketing, she enjoys jigsaw puzzles, almost any kind of music, and reading every book she can get her hands on. She is a die hard Harry Potter fan even though that’s almost a cliche these days, and her guilty pleasure is Archie Comics. She blogs at vitaminbs1.wordpress.com.