Here’s Sikh Captain America’s Kosher Menu to ‘Make America Great’ Again

by Vishvajit Singh

This post was originally published on blog.angryasianman.com and republished with permission. 

The old saying goes a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Latest neuroscience research is beginning to show this old adage rooted in actual science. What goes into our stomachs has neurological impacts in our brain. And the way to a bigoted man’s heart is also through his stomach. Well, even bigoted women.

All the snap judgments thrown my way by strangers and family, recent turbaned encounters of designer Waris Ahluwalia in Mexico City, Canadian comedian JusReign in San Francisco and the cantankerous presidential campaign has really reinforced me to think about what brings me the most joy, food.

Here is a menu of flavorful concoctions from my ‘Make America Great’ concept vegetarian restaurant in NYC where I am hotly seeking a Michelin star.

Appetizers

Far Away Fritters

Taking a bite into this batter dipped oven baked fritters will make you feel as if you are not in America but in a land far, far away. Something so foreign you could not put your finger on its origins.

Hispanic Nachos

There is nothing original about these nachos except they fool you into thinking what to expect but once you dip them into the sauce flavored with Eastern spices it will confuse the neural networks and literally take your breath away.

Indian Pancakes

The sweet and sour pancakes cooked with whole wheat flour will make you think of the wild exotic flavor from the far east and as you devour these it leaves you with a colonial after taste.

Punjabi Pleasure

Rajma, the mighty protein rich red bean cooked with the verve of true Punjabi spirit will titillate you with gustatory pleasures.

Tailor Made For You

Our chef hails from a lineage of tailors and good for you, he knows next to nothing about stitching. We offer you a selection of fresh market vegetables and you tell us what tickles your fancy and he will tailor make them to your taste.

Main Course

Osama Stew

The words ‘Osama,’ ‘Taliban’ and ‘ISIS’ well up strong, angry feelings but from the places these monsters are born do come some wonderful exotic tasty things. This Southern-style stew combines pomegranates from Afghanistan, rice from Iran, dates from Iraq to create explosive flavors that will only knock your socks off.

Totally Sikh

To Sikh is to learn, think equality and this special dish inspired by the young 500-year-old faith combines naan prepared in clay oven, black lentils sautéed in French butter, yogurt prepared from Dutch cow milk and served with tea for an English touch.

Cartoonist Pasta

Our chef’s love of Tintin’s adventures and imaginary world of cartoons has inspired this pasta concoction that is served on a plate featuring cartoon lines made out of Thai glass noodles.

The Introverted Roast

For that introvert inside all of us, this contemplative dish is the crowd favorite having been crowned by food critics as the most thought-provoking dish

The American

Butter soft seitan steak cooked medium rare makes you feel right at home with all the foreigners in our midst.

Middle Eastern Maharaja

Israeli hummus, Moroccan couscous, Egyptian mint combined with the aroma of Basmati rice from the hills of the Himalayas will make you want to ride an elephant like a king in the old days of the English Colonial rule.

Captain America Burger

This patriotic burger rounded with garlic fries is served by our chef in a Captain America suit—in his resplendent blue turban—and sparsely populated beard (FYI: he does keep his beard covered while cooking in the kitchen).

Desserts

Gay and Chatty

Whether you lean straight or gay or any other way, this cinnamon topped croissant gets you all chatty and spiced up for the remainder of the day.

Handsome Slurpee

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, this homemade pistachio flavored ice cream Slurpee will make you forget how you look on the outside and feel the joy inside.

Girly Virgin Brandy

A non-alcoholic blend of herbs from the Middle east and Africa gets you a bit more in touch with your yin half. Remember we are all born from a woman’s womb.

Whitish Chocolate Cake

From east to west, every culture prefers the aesthetics of the lighter shade of skin and our chef’s favorite sweet tooth indulgence looks white on the outside covering the black vivacious chocolate richness deep inside.

Raghead, Genie, Clown special

This rich flavorful cake is a secret recipe combining ingredients from the deep south to the farm fields of the land of five rivers known as Punjab, melting the deep rooted feelings about exotic looking folks. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself with the urge to hug our turbaned chef after this special experience.

*This is a Kosher certified menu. Any investors interested in franchising this patriotic cause can reach the chef @sikhtoons. 

GOD BLESS AMERICA. 

Vishavjit Singh is the nation’s only turbaned/bearded editorial cartoonist, writer and costume player based in NYC. He was featured in Red, White & Beard, a short film released last year. His works can be consumed at Sikhtoons.com He can be reached @sikhtoons.