15 Questions You Should Be Ready to Answer at a Desi Party

by Duriba Khan 

We all know how it goes. Every two weeks or so, you must pluck your eyebrows, suck in your tummy, and allow your beauty blender to make saat phere/tawaf across your forehead and under eyes with a copious blob of concealer.

No, you aren’t insecure. One Direction took care of that problem not too long ago. It’s just that you’d much rather make these hasty accommodations than have a meltdown dealing with the series of questions posed by “that one Aunty” listed below. Answering these questions is more painful that trying to eat a mango kulfi in an Indian Summer.

1. Is this outfit from Pakistan or India?

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Because one, I really have no idea. And two, does it REALLY matter?

2. Whose daughter are you?

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Why? So, you can go and complain to mummy about my badtameezy?Yeah, no. Not happening.

3. How old are you?

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Seventeen and NOT ready to make heart-shaped rotis, thank you very much.

4. What does your dad do?

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And you need to know this because?

5. What kind of engineer/doctor/lawyer do you want to be?

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This GIF requires no explanation.

6. Why did you cut your hair short? Are you trying to be Miley Cyrus?

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Um, no. I’m trying to be Amitabh Bachchan.

7. Do you have a brother? How old is your brother? Is he in medical school?

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He’s 12 and looks like a laddoo.

8. Can you throw my plate away?

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Oh yeah, sure thing! Well, as long as you don’t comment on the size of my bum as I walk away, Aunty.

9. So, when are you getting married?

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When you stop asking me every. Single. Time. We. Meet.

10. Can you cook?

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Ah, but of course! I whip up a really good bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and my PBJs are to DIE for.

And just when you’re about to sit after waiting in the food line…

11. Can you get me a naan?

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I waited. I waited in line, Aunty. Now, I have to go back in line due to your incompetence in determining the proportion of salaan to naan in your plate, and now, I must suffer.

12. Don’t you think you gained weight?

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Maybe I have. Maybe I haven’t…I have.

13. Have you met my son?

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Wait…you have a son?

14. And then…

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…you meet her son.

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Duriba Khan, or “D-Dawg”, is a sixteen-year-old blogging, vlogging, photographing, filmmaking, sketching geek who enjoys long, romantic walks to the refrigerator. She is half-Pakistani and half-Indian, and currently resides in Austin, Texas. Duriba also feels uncomfortable writing about herself in the third person. For more of Duriba’s work, check out her blog.